From ending to begin

I end my life violently
Bullet to the brain
Travel accident far away
Beaten for my views
I die from being free in captivity
After years of speaking out
Soles to the pavement
Head pointed north guiding my destination forward
Fingers on pen and paper writing social commentary
I stomp on focused on dignity and liberation
I live a healthy solo yet powerful existence
Lifted higher by the blaze of cultural hatred
Burning down my peoples door of opportunity
Keeping me hazed and addicted to fighting
Battling on to make a visible difference
I pull away from faith in the unknown
Guild my spirit by daily choices
Teach my daughter the ways of the world
Tell her the greatest strength lies within
Her own inner convictions
Get on even terms with her mother
Screw each other its about the baby
Put my heart in plane view and phrases
Documented my soul on many pages
Lived on in the memory of my Celeste(ial) star
Her undead love and my child's existence are my survival purpose
But her love keeps me alive
My plans for a life together but she couldn't live here with me
Loved my queen with unhindered passion
Met her in one of the most unlikely places
Told her my faith is in me and our people
Made sure my mother understood my position
So I devoted my being to fighting the war zone
Felt sick that the world was the way it is
Watched the 9th ward sink under racism
Realized that I wasn't the only one suffering
Cried because I was away from my baby
Didn't have away to make away
Watched my child enter this life as me and her mothers love crumbled
Found out I was going to be a father
Was humbled that life can be created in one night
Soon enough got caught up in booty
Burned money in the trust fund my father left for me
Graduated high school but walked into the real world
Secretly mourned my fathers passing
Stood up for myself like my daddy told me
From day one knew in my heart something was wrong
Didn't want to go to school as a youngster
Daddy told me white people where crazy
Grew up with the truth in my ears
Was a sickly child but momma had strength for me
July 13 1983 I was born into this life with a very different eye open childhood

JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

Thinking with my "head"

I didn't know her
Surely didn't love her
Nothing she say made me respect her
But there was something about her
I really wanted to fuck her
I felt sick after my thoughts went away
Talking to her standing on end
One hand in my pocket to hide my erection
And she played along with the game
Pushing out her chest
Bending over at random moments
Showing me her "flex"
Putting on lip gloss as we talked
Brushing off her shirt
Holding the book between her legs as she wrote
I wanted her in that moment
Damn she was my type
Permed hair, no intelligence in her speech
But her body spoke to me SCREAMED at me
Push into me and make it love me
I felt dirty undressing her through my frames
She wanted me too because she sniffed my neck
I shook the feeling because I knew I would regret it
But I wanted to touch her caramel brownskin
Make her moan loudly in her country accent
She wanted me to, but I didn't
So I watched her walk away
The stiffness faded as she faded in the distance
Still I remember the tattoo peeking from her ass
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

The bleeding pages of my heart

An open book is I
And I is open for reading
Reading openly are many eyes
Eyes open many viewing
The view of my bleeding pages
Pages bleeding bloody pleading
Pleading for what is gone never back coming
Coming back gone for a time
A time lost to times only past visions
Past along bringing along long pass
Passed away dreams shoulderless lonely
No shoulder to cry on so eyes wiped dry
Driely wiped in lonesome corners invisible
Invisible to those around those near still reading
Reading red after its read some wonder
Wonder why haven't I fall dead
Dead to the pressure lost from bleeding pages
Pages of my heart thick with fluid
Fluid of life forever leeking
Forever until my forever is ended
My bleeding pages bleeding from my heart
The bleeding pages of my heart
Ozzing all the feelings of my life
Opening the closed off life I live from the world
But now that the wound has bursted
The filter is gone and all is released
And now all see what has made me
Made me different unlike alike
Like something new renewed for change
Changing those around
Around reading the bleeding
The pages are bleeding
And won't stop bleeding
Because my soul is long over flooded
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

Don't be mad

Don't look at me with that upset face
That look that this can't be you
With such concern will I feel good about my choice
Don't look at me because I do feel as you feel
I don't see through your eyes
And I lost it right when you found it
Don't stare at me as if that shock will change my answer
Or make me see some light in your words
Giving me that tunnel vision you have
Don't face me and tell me I'm wrong
My choice was mine and you can't change that
The life I live is no longer your responsibility
Don't tell me I should walk with you
I should change who I am so that others can feel comfort
I can only be who I am and who I am is a man
I can't see it your way
I can't live the way you do
I'm not a follower
I'm rarely a leader
Because I am myself and I live by my direction
I stand by my convictions
I shun all other contradictions
I reject any simulation
I have formed my own direction and will reach my destination
I came this far alone with you looking on
But now that you can no longer read me you shouldn't fear me
Don't look at me with that look of worry
I will be fine
Made it this far on my own I will make it even further
I no longer need reasurence
No need for your pleas to heaven
I can't use your words of warning any longer
Because the life I live in has become warped
So I must find my own way
Fly on my own current
Fight with my own fist
Bleed my own blood
Talk with my own lips
Breath through my own lungs
And when the time comes I will die with my own life
So don't be mad, sad, or cry because I have found my own way
Just move from my path and let me use my map
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

The Father the son the What

They told me I should believe
I should drop to my knees and give thanks
I should be thankful for lifeI should be happy that god is always watching
“The father the son the…”
I should be listening right
Praying head to the sky tears in my eyes over a feeling
A feeling from a savior my people were forced to worship
The story of a black man turned lily white
I church built on a group of people paying for miracles
They said I should never put any other gods before them
All this while they worship the pastor
“Give thanks to thee that stands in heaven looking down”
And blame all the bad on a devil Because man is but a child

Well when I heard this as I grew up
Trying to feel the spirit Praying my heart out
Looking at the sky as if it was him
I started feeling that I was lied to
That they told me this because this was all they held on to
Because there was no hope otherwise
Heaven was a place after death
And if you was really good you could live forever
But why do you have to die first in order to live

So I stop trying to believe
Saw too much bad to have hope in the unseen
Wasn’t given anything as proof
Just the sad looks of the faithful I knew
Crying to be saved when even the bible says you have to do for self
They says I should be with the crowd
But something about it allThe father the son the What…Just didn’t connect with me

JABOOM

Yeah it’s copyrighted 2008

Sufferers Prayer

As we bow our heads cupping our hands to pray
Drop to our knees closing our eyes tight
Prepared to beg to a Lord that seems to not to hear
Thinking of a world where we just pray in thanks
Yet we ask for what we need unable to get it alone
But alone is how we feel as prayer gets deep
Thoughts of in vein chanting leads to stoppage
The lengthy list has some falling asleep before they finish
And after praying nights for years getting no change
A few just say forget it
So as we pray looking to the ceiling cracks
The wailing baby in with no diapers or a crib
Brown water in the sink, toilet with no flush
Rooms lightless, account -$120 and gun play at the playground
We stop praying for money, help or change
We start praying for God to be real

Amen…

JABOOM

Yeah it’s copyrighted 2008

Lyrics

The rhythm of life trembles onward
With few break beats heavy bass & synthetic tones
The symphony of time lies as track to track plays on
Humming at a average rate
The song plays on with little to no variation
So the same theme plays to all and most accept the cadence
That's up until the lyrics are introduced
A new voice enters the instrumental changing the whole grove
Trying the soulless knocks into a march
Giving it a place to begin and end with a reason to alter
The sound changes with the words and the words give
The sound a heart and the heart brings harmony to the mix
The mix becomes music and with music comes a new freedom
A freedom that is different to all connecting all to a different rhythm
Writing their own lyrics creating songs vocalizing the life they live
And no matter who tries to stop this new movement trying up the bass
Drowning out the words
They can never stop the music
And the listener will demand to hear the words
The words will then be unleashed and uncover the message
Which is always in the lyrics
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

This is my stop

Boarding pass out, messenger over shoulder
In line letting an older woman step on first
Taking a seat near a door
Then a long stare at the passing scenery
Time floats as things change with travel
Crushing the road taken away to a different area
Not rushing the trip but ready for my point of exit
Never comfortable just focused on the destination
Planning ahead positioned to take the next road ripple with easy
The ride always seems rough but not as the way just passed
Down the way advancement is visible
Pulling the chain of opportunity signaling the halt of uncontrolled motion
Motivated by the stink of stagnated seats
The will to escape from complacency adds to the step toward the door
This is my stop that starts a walk to where I'm headed
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008

The Artist

He paints a picture of life unseen in his action
The visions he see's makes up his portraits
And his portraits form from lines on his canvas
Diluting the thick paint he uses with tears
He uses his heart to draw shapes of his thoughts
Pausing for ideas he looks into his eyes in the mirror
Getting the inspiration he needs to bleed out landscapes
Telling story's with his brush he brings the master piece to life
Frames the page and lets the world view it
The artistic painting of a life on a living display
JABOOM
Yeah it's copyrighted 2008